Motherhood is one of life’s most profound transformations. It’s a journey woven with joy, challenges, growth, and immeasurable love. Whether you’re just beginning to navigate this path or reflecting on years of parenting, motherhood is an experience that leaves an indelible mark on the soul.
The Early Days: A Rollercoaster of Emotions
For many, the journey into motherhood begins with a blend of anticipation and uncertainty, but my story was shaped by unique challenges. I still vividly remember the moment I used the pregnancy test kit. Watching the lines slowly appear was incredibly intense—a mix of emotions flooding in all at once. Joy, excitement, and overwhelming fear collided in that single moment as the reality of my pregnancy set in.
Living in Dubai, where laws were very strict for unmarried couples, especially regarding pregnancy, made my situation even more daunting. I was both scared and excited as I began to plan my exit from Dubai back to the Philippines to give birth. Navigating the airport felt like walking a tightrope—I needed to remain invisible to avoid detection, which could have made things even more complicated. To avoid suspicion, I even wore a 3-inches high heels for the entire 16-hour flight, pretending everything was normal, despite being six months pregnant at the time.
When it was finally time to give birth, I faced another challenge. After hours of labor, my internal examination revealed that I was only dilated to 3 cm, and it wasn’t progressing. Despite the doctor's efforts to proceed with a normal vaginal delivery, my mom ultimately decided on an emergency cesarean section. I had begun to swell, and the pain had become unbearable, making the procedure necessary to ensure the safe delivery of my baby. It was both a physically and emotionally intense experience, but holding my baby in my arms for the first time made it all worth it.
I have named my first child, my son, Mikhail (Mi' Kha' El) , inspired by Saint Michael the Archangel. The name reflects the Arabic spelling of Michael, as he was conceived in Dubai, UAE.
The early days of motherhood that followed were a whirlwind. Sleepless nights and endless feedings became my reality, but so did moments of pure magic—my baby’s first smile and the feeling of their tiny fingers wrapping around mine. Those precious moments made every challenge and sacrifice worthwhile, reminding me of the strength and resilience motherhood brings.
Redefining Yourself
Motherhood has a way of reshaping your identity. For me, it felt like I was stepping into a role I had dreamed about but wasn’t sure how to master. Suddenly, I wasn’t just me; I was "Mommy." Balancing this new identity with my career and personal aspirations wasn’t always easy, but it taught me so much about myself. I learned to prioritize what truly matters and discovered strengths I didn’t know I had.
The Balancing Act
Motherhood is often described as a delicate balancing act—managing work, family, self-care, and countless other responsibilities. For me, this meant constantly adjusting my expectations. Some days, I felt on top of it all; other days, it felt like everything was falling apart. Over time, I learned to appreciate the small wins, whether it was tidying up the house without interruptions or cooking a favorite meal in the midst of the chaos.
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Unconditional Love: The Core of Motherhood
The bond between a mother and child is truly one of a kind. I’ll always cherish the first time Mikhail said, “You’re the best mom.” Those words meant the world to me, carrying a depth of love and gratitude that’s hard to describe. As a mom working abroad, the journey wasn’t easy—I had to wait over a year before I could bring Mikhail from the Philippines to Dubai. Finally becoming a hands-on mom and providing for him entirely on my own, without relying on my mom, was a dream come true. Moments like these kept me going through the challenges of being apart, the tantrums, sleepless nights, and the ups and downs of his growing-up years. This love is a constant reminder of why we make sacrifices and pour our hearts into motherhood every single day.
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Challenges and Resilience
Motherhood comes with its share of challenges, and I’ve faced moments filled with doubt and guilt. One of the hardest times in my life was losing Mikhail’s father to COVID-19 in 2020 when Mikhail was just five years old. Navigating grief while trying to stay strong for my child tested my resilience in ways I never imagined.
We all contracted COVID-19 after my partner was exposed at work, and the illness hit us hard. Our apartment became a makeshift quarantine zone—my partner, Mikhail, and I isolated in one room, while my mom and siblings stayed in another, separated by a divider made of carton panels and clear cellophane to keep them safe. The virus weighed heavily on us, like a constant pressure on our lungs.
I’ll never forget the day I had to call an ambulance. My partner was so weak he could barely stand, and I had to lift him onto my shoulders to get him to the hospital. When we arrived at the COVID facility, I received a heartbreaking call from my mom. She told me that Mikhail, left alone in our room, was crying, scared, and confused because no one could be with him. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever faced—I wished with all my heart that I could split myself in two: one part to stay by my partner’s side in the hospital to ensure he received the care he needed, and the other to comfort and care for my son.
That moment of helplessness, torn between the two people I loved most, is something I’ll never forget. It taught me the depths of a mother’s strength and the painful sacrifices we sometimes have to make for our families.
Each challenge became a lesson, not just for my child, but for me as well. These moments taught me resilience and the importance of grace—for myself and others.
Celebrating the Wins
Amid the chaos, it’s crucial to celebrate the victories—big and small. I’ve learned to treasure milestones like first words and first steps, but also the quiet victories—a peaceful bedtime routine or a heartfelt conversation. These moments remind me of the beauty and fulfillment that motherhood brings.
A Community of Mothers
Motherhood can sometimes feel lonely, but I’ve found incredible comfort in connecting with other moms. Whether it’s a brief conversation during school pick-up or a meaningful chat over coffee, sharing stories and advice has been a true lifeline. To strengthen these connections, I started a mothers' club in the Middle East, bringing together fellow Bisaya moms in Dubai, UAE. This group has been a wonderful space to share experiences, support one another, and celebrate the joys and challenges of motherhood. Knowing that others are walking a similar path makes the journey so much more fulfilling.
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A Lasting Legacy
Motherhood is about more than raising children; it’s about leaving a legacy. I often think about the values I want to pass on—kindness, resilience, and a sense of wonder. Watching my children grow into their unique personality and seeing glimpses of those values in their actions is the most rewarding part of this journey.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood is a journey like no other. It’s messy and beautiful, exhausting and energizing, heart-wrenching and heartwarming. As you navigate its twists and turns, remember to embrace each moment, lean on your support system, and cherish the incredible bond you share with your child. Above all, know that you are doing an extraordinary job.
